“In the end, I’m the one who’s going to die when it’s my time to die so let me live my life the way I want.”
I was addressing something that I felt inside to be true for me but had no idea the full extent of what this all really would come to mean. All that I knew then was that I was an angst-y teen artist who was a bit of a wild child and all about anarchy. While, I’ve been very fortunate to have always been supported in my artistic pursuit, what I didn’t realize then was that that Jimi Hendrix mindset was preparing me for a world where I wouldn’t always be supported in what I pursued and I would have to learn to trust my own intuition.
Today, as some years went by and I went through my own process of awakening to self-awareness, that rebellion for the pure sake of rebellion has shifted into an assurance of my life decisions that is so firmly rooted in an understanding of self that I am no longer rattled by a force outside of myself. This certainty is surely appealing communally as one species. Who wouldn’t want to live their life as theirs? So if that’s agreed upon, then why doesn’t everyone just do it? Well, because the process of reaping is never quite as glamorous as what is sown, is it?
It goes without saying that falling apart is difficult. We are often times inching to our edge and very weary of falling over. However, what we can never see from this far up is that at the bottom of that cliff is a breakthrough. We can only see all of the branches we’re bound to confront on our way down, and we allow this fear of the messy fall in combination with the fear of the unknown ground to paralyze us before we even get started.
Often times our process of self-actualization involves something that many people are extremely uncomfortable with. Accountability. It can seem counterintuitive to think that in order to come to trust ourselves, we sometimes have to tell ourselves that we’re wrong. But this is actually about honesty. To trust yourself, you must be honest with yourself. It isn’t pleasant to think that maybe we contributed to that failed relationship or we bombed that interview and it wasn’t solely some other person or some outside force that we have no control over.
To be in control of our own life is just as scary as it is liberating. Because in order to harness the skill of directing your life in a positive direction that is right for you individually, means sometimes taking the road that you [often whole heartedly] believe is right and then turning around at the dead end and saying “well, I fucked up. But now I know what not to do.” Sometimes on your way back to the main path, you have some apologizing to do. To both others and to yourself.
This is the time to expand.
You aren’t perfect and that’s good! In that way, you know that you’re human! You’ve fallen apart. You got messy. But binding agents exist for a purpose. You put yourself back together in a slightly more correct order and you now, are one step closer to full self awareness and therefore a clear intuition. Without making your own isolated space for self discovery [reflection, prayer, meditation, journaling; whatever that means to you], growth and expansion can’t happen. We will never know.
Understanding yourself will never make the elements disappear. There will always be wind and rain that are bound to show themselves at some point. You may even find negative energy slithering from cracks in your life that you thought you sealed or perhaps even ones that you’ve never even noticed before. The power from your hard work comes into fruition in those moments. When you can take note of negativity yet work through it.
Once you understand yourself, it allows your intuition to function clearly. You begin to stand firmly in your Tadasana, trusting your foundation and knowing what you need to know.
Speak your truth.
Live and love genuinely.